oops- Things I Say Out Loud…. version 1._ .…whatever…

people keep asking me to ‘rescue’ this lovable ‘fur-ball’ or that adorable ‘feather-head’….

not ONCE does it dawn on them that they speak to a cold, broken, lonely, desperate, hungry, homeless, victim of domestic violence…. that already feeds, loves and shelters 11 Animal Companions with nothing, cuz she has adopted them after they too were thrown along the curb nearby where she was thrown over, for a more “willing” victim-  by the very friends & family that she once Loved, Trusted & Forgave.  they (her Companions) eat first from what she begs for herself, and if anything remains after they’ve fallen asleep, then she feels free to eat….. if anything is left.

they are for the most part, the only life forms on this planet that will directly acknowledge that she still exists….

it just kills me inside, that i was once where you are now….. and you have absolutely no idea how fast it can all be taken away, until you’re standing next to me, discarded on the side of the road, wondering what the hell just happened?!?!  I thought I made the “right” choice…. everyone said I was “so brave”.

i don’t understand the ‘guilt’ or whatever else it may be, that my fellow man experiences, that makes them unable to look at me NOW…. i maintain my appearance, I’m sensitive to my having a ‘fresh odor’, clean teeth, brushed hair and my hygiene and manners remain intact, along with my 50 years of ethics, values  and morals…. all that’s changed is my marital status, my address, my income and my ability to stock my cardboard box pantry, under that tree over there…. I’m the SAME person- why can’t the people i once called ‘Friend’ look me in the eye, now, or notice me at the store?

every morning I’m forced to tell my reflection in the mud puddle (where i check my hair!) that “it’s not my fault.” and that “I’m safe, and he can’t hurt me now.”  but my friend in the mud puddle doesn’t seem so convinced…..

I AM SO VERY SORRY!! I JUST REALIZED WHERE I AM…. PLEASE FORGIVE ME- I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT TO BE BURDENED WITH THE SIGHT OF THE ‘LIKES’ OF ME IN YOUR TIDY LITTLE WORLD.  I MEANT TO WRITE THIS ON MY BLOG…..

 https://purpledukk.wordpress.com/category/woodnymphs/

the place where no one tells me, “move along, now!” becuz “This place you don’t belong…… !”

I’ll go away now, so you’re not made to feel uncomfortable by just ‘knowing’ that I’m near…..

 

 

*accidentally posted this on my face account before I realized– it was too late…. o dear.  won’t be able to go back there for light-hearted “liking” anymore…. *

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The Groovi-est, Purple-Beaded, Ever-Laughin', Dukk-Lovin', Barefoot, Dirt-Farmin', Hippi Chikki that you'll ever have the Sublime Pleasure to get to know!

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9 comments on “oops- Things I Say Out Loud…. version 1._ .…whatever…
  1. alienorajt says:

    An extremely powerful piece, Violet, which forces us to confront our own prejudices, fears and assumptions. Thank you for having the courage to post it on here. xxx

    Like

  2. Ali…. two things: since i’ve met you, i find you always seem to ’cause’ me to ‘feel’….. i realized just now, i think i really want to enter into a bigger dialog with you, cuz i think i might need to hear what you have to say. but what i ‘hear’ right now, is 12 of my ’11’ (ask me later, if you will, about this math of my Companions) that want their ‘Freedom’ and their food, so i will re-address this later, after i’ve tended to the higher Needs of my Dependents (somedays, the ONLY reason i can lift myself up off my bedroll on the ground).

    oh- and the second thing: everyone that encouraged me to “be brave” (like that was the ONLY GOAL i had- the ONLY STEP i had to take- the ONLY thing i needed to ACHIEVE), always alluded, insinuated, lured me with the thought that IF i took this path -IF i made this choice- that my ‘Sacrifice’ would be REWARDED…. there’d be light at the end of the tunnel & a pot of gold IF i just chased that rainbow….. maybe there’s been a Precedent set, somewhere, for some very lucky PEOPLE.
    but for me….”bein’ brave” ain’t all its cracked up to be. cuz the one thing i’ve learned thru these last 3 years, 10 months, 2 weeks and 1 day since i…… well.

    what i have learned that NEVER waivers, is ALWAYS consistent, and NEVER Changes no matter how much i try, nor what i Do…. is that

    DukkSheit ALWAYS Happens.

    Someplace. Somewhere. ALL the Time.

    i know this to be True, cause it’s been me, it always happens to.

    Like

  3. chrissyfaery36 says:

    *hugs* Violet, I wish I lived closer and we could hang out! This is such a brave post and domestic abuse is a terrible thing – you are so strong and brave for breaking free!! Life can change so fast, so keep faith that things will be okay again, and when you’re back on your feet you will blossom and bloom, and be free to live the life you were destined to lead! I’m praying for you and putting my thinking cap on, to find a way to help you through this. If you need to talk I’m always here too! *hugs* xxx

    Like

    • just being who you are to me, is PERFECT. living closer would be Groovi; my being able to visit you across the pond would be even GROOVIER; but all of you, coming to my blog to be with me is the BEST thing i got in my pocket right this minute! would NOT trade off one of you for NOTHING i wrote on my ‘desperately need’ list either!

      Like

  4. InfiniteZip says:

    Huge purple hippie fan…not quite girly girl….why shave in the winter, you know? Thanks for the follow new friend:)

    Like

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