I was enjoying my morning reader of blogs that I follow, which usually I find myself wandering off the new posts there, onto side trails into each writer’s blogs, which is where I always seem to find the real “Gems”. this morning, I wandered into Lydia Devadason‘s blog about “An Idiot’s Guide to Parenting”. the fact that I’m even reading this type of blog is funny to me cuz, frankly- I’m done. raising kids I mean. I don’t mind ‘pitching in’ every now and then, to help re-direct a kid in the right direction, if I see them floundering without anyone to assist them, but I feel I did more than my share, by ‘raising’ all the shorties (that touched my life directly) that folk cast-off cuz they felt they were in over their heads, but couldn’t get past their pride to ask for help.
anyway, I could not help myself but to leave this comment on her post about communication –not intended in any way to mock those with shorties still at home- just as something to keep in mind….. from my limited experiences…..
“this makes me Giggle…! only becuz the 2 I birthed myself (now 27 & 28) and all their “Sibs” (at least 2 dozen now, due to my penchant for collecting “Disposable Young People” tossed to the curb in our community, clothe them, house them, feed them, help them finish school, finish off their self-sufficiency training, and hopefully send them off again with the feeling that they are “Wanted” and a few skills to earn an income) that at one time or another, called me “Momm” and my Sanctuary “Home”…. I gave Them All “Voice & Choice” (a phrase I coined based on that which I was NOT given, and feel that it had slowed my progress in Life by at least 30 years, becuz of it).
the part that makes me ‘Giggle‘ in all this, is that they are all confident now, in their ability and Right to communicate their needs and feelings, that (I’m ashamed to even say it!) some days, they can be so OverPowering in their communications to me, that I regret the feeling of regret I have over giving them ‘Voice & Choice’ (that they never had before!) and sometimes blurt out in frustration that “I need some Space in My Head to think My Own Thoughts, Please!”
just sharing, for those with ‘Shorties’ still at Home.” 😉
I also wrote:
“keep in mind, we raise the people who may or may not care for us in the future! a few years back I realized I needed to officially ‘welcome’ these people as ‘peers’ when they came of age, becuz they needed to know that they were no longer children, but young adults and cohabitants with me and all their ‘elders’ while we walk this world together. really knocked their socks off when I did this cuz no one else was doing it, but I believe it is necessary to not just commemorate, but to actually MOVE the relationship into what it really is. speaking as a child held back- it doesn’t matter what you do, say or how you’ve changed yourself, its IMPOSSIBLE to proceed when those that directly affect your life hold you back in the Past in their Mind. so many people say its impossible- but in my Reality, its sadly not true. People do have the power to hold you back- no matter how far you’ve come since the ‘image’ they hold captive in their minds. No one can ever truly feel like a ‘grown-up’ while you’re still being forced to eat at ‘the kids’ table’. right?
needless to say, since I’ve had that realization & done that for my kids, our relationships have all moved healthily into the next level”!
for more of our conversation on this subject, please see the comment section of: http://lydiadevadason.wordpress.com/2014/03/24/encouraging-verbal-communication/