i cant. this time. or maybe i wont. and this is as far as this coward can go- rebelling in silence to invisible people….
(i frightened the person at the crisis hotline on two separate occasion- into stuttering silence where i found myself reassuring them….
and the pair of sheriff that responded to the pastor’s call on my behalf, just left me there without a word… after they instructed me to wait for them there, to speak to the ‘others’….
and the retired sheriff that a 2nd pastor brought, stated out loud to me that it was definitely a case of ‘imprisonment’, but left me there to await their promised return 2 days later, after they had celebrated the Thanksgiving holiday, surrounded by people who loved them, overwhelming amounts of delicious, hot foods, followed by sleeping in front of a tv blaring a sporting event, i can only presume, with their pants unzipped in safety and comfort.
btw- they NEVER returned to get me, and i was awoke early that morning by being beat in the face with a heavy-duty commercial-grade extension cord that was stored in freezing temperatures…. where i slept at that time in an outdoor shop of an alleged adoptive family.
i had given up on the ‘religious’ after i called all 36 churches in the phonebook that week, and was never called back. my intent was to become a devil-worshipper at midnight, but since i was certain that that might require a blood sacrifice of some kind, needed to wait til i could find a safe place for my beloved Animal Companions, first….)
who exactly am i s’posed to forgive, so that i can feel better?
im sorry- maybe i dont belong here, cuz im not really a ‘survivor’ yet. i just ran out of tangible people to talk to….
my finger hovers over the ‘cancel’ button so there’s a good chance no one will even see this….. as i wonder to myself, “How Loud Do You Hafta Spell h-e-l-p?”